totally devastated

Trademark.

I'm feeling like crap now. A total crap. What a text. What a someone am I in your eyes. What a selfish someone am I. What a selfish someone who goes around asking whoever whoever you love to leave you. What a fake someone who goes around putting a mask, acting like I'm really nice infront of people and yourself. What a stupid someone who still really wants to be there for you when you don't even care/remember this someone anymore. What a silly someone, who wants to help you in whatever you need help in, be it love life or whatsoever. It's totally disappointing, but I can't complain. I can't complain a single thing, I just want to do this, I need to and I have to. Oh btw, hi world.

I just got up from bed at about 2 going 3pm in the noon just now. It's right now 6.28pm in the evening already, family's out to g.mom's place since about half an hour ago. What have I been doing for this whole afternoon ? Nothing. Basically, nothing at all. Michelle rang me up, had a good chat with her. I'm really worried for him, felt really lousy when I can't even do something for him when he's so down. Sighs. Well, edited a few photos taken with Dai yesterday. Oh yesterday. Yesterday.. What happened yesterday ? Idk, I really don't wish to think. Once again, I broke down. It was a total embarrassment, broke down right in front of Dai, for a couple of times.

Met up with Lucas BFF in the late noon first, headed to Haji Lane. He got himself afew tops and a hoodie there, kick ass ones. Very nice, they looks great on him I guess. Met up with the rest of his friends for a little while, was so tempted to go for some sheesha but well, no time for it. Parted with them right after the train reached City Hall Station. Headed to BoonLay to meet Dai, and for them, Mustafa i think. So like, reached BoonLay at about 7 going 8pm in the night, Dai reached after awhile. Jurong Point's big, with the extension of shops and all, hahaha ! I guess I want to go back there some other days to do some shopping, I didn't have the time and $$ to do that yesterday. Sucks. Lol, nevermind about that. Oh, so we dined at some foodcourt at JP. Had a hard time finding seats and all, loads of peoples. Dai wanted to have some good food since he got his pay alr, but I guess its better to help him save a little. Hahahaha, I'm nice ok ! Oh, I had meatball soup + rice for dinner ! ^^ Decided to catch Marley and Me, so went to get the tickets for that film showing at 12.30am :) Thanks for the movie treat, Dai ! ^^ Went to the park opposite, had fun there. Hahaha, with all the fun-filled equips, lol ! Slacked there, talk cock sing song take pictures, till its finally 12.15am. Slowly walked over to JP, then the cinema. I swear I prefer Cathay's cineplex much better than GV's, which totally sucks. Even Dai also told me that, his ass hurts so much after sometime. Hahahaha, how funny ! Whhoooops -.-

Marley and Me





Okayyyyyy this film is, totally awesome ! :D Lol, my favourite one for this year. Marley's totally cute and all, the film's totally hilarious, Jennifer Aniston's totally hot, hahaha ! I'm seriously in love with this film ok ! Towards the end, there's this part which is so touching that almost every females in the theatre teared ok, including me -.- Lol, whatever it is, please go go go go catch this film if you've yet to, its a totally kickassssss one ! I'll rate this awesome one a 4.8/5 ^^ !!

Movie lasted for almost 2hours, ended at 2 going 3pm :) Cabbed over to Dai's place for awhile, talk cock sing song. And guess what, i broke down. Not once, but for a couple of times like what I've mentioned above. A total embarrassment, idk. Last night sucks big time, I couldn't control my feelings my tears my everything. Left his place at about 5 going 6am. Dai wanted me to take a cab home and he'll pay for the cabfare instead, but well, I insisted. Thanks though, Daidai ! :D Took a bus back to BoonLay Inter, then trained back to Simei. Okay, it was very very embarrassing when I was in the train. I got so tired that I actually fall asleeeeeep and guess what, my head kept banging onto the person sitting beside me. Hahahaaaaa damn embarrassing cannnn. Luckily he/she didn't scold me -.- I'm not sure about the sex of the person because.. I was too embarrassed to even look at the person -.- Roflmao. And finally, reached simei at about 7am in the morning ? Coolsxzz. Went home, washup, coma ! Laughs !

Pictures :






To: Daidai

Daidai, I hope you'll really understand what I meant in the text I've sent you last night. I really don't want to step into another relationship, I'm not ready for a new relationship yet. Everybody is just a friend to me now, I don't want to have any misunderstandings. You know what I want right ? I mean like, I don't want to hurt another by stepping into another I'm-not-sure-how-I-feel-towards-you kind of relationship.I think it'll be totally unfair towards the other party cos I myself know that my heart won't even be in the relationship and this other party if I get myself attached again. You get what I mean ? All I need, is just friends now. Friends and family, I'm sorry.

Was supposed to meet Xihong and Daidai today, but end up I have to cancel everything off cos I'm feeling really lazy, and lazy. Hahaha, guess I'll be rotting at home till late night, might be meeting JosPot for supper at Tampines. Depends. Lol, I'm totally lazy even if it's just Tampines -.- Okay whateverz. I guesssssss I'll end this entry here, xoxo !

I want you to have the one thing I cannot; Be happy.

Did the wrong things, at the wrong time.

Hi world. I've just got home, feeling totally devastated. More of upset than tired, more of depressed than fatigued. I've got so much to say, so much to rant. But I think I need some rest first, before I've got the energy for anything else. I don't think I'm feeling too well. Both, physically and mentally. Good night/morning all, I'm turning in already. Xoxo, to you.

Things are getting out of hand, out of control.
Everything's just so hard, at least for me.

Everyone made mistakes. I mean, there's no right or wrong in a relationship. Isn't it ? You can't possibly blame a person for a changed heart, because feelings does come and go. I mean, a person can't possibly control/handle one's feelings totally. You can't control yourself to like, love this someone and not fall for the other. Am I not right ? But too, you can't name a person Stupid or Silly when he/she actually still love that someone, who don't even love/remember them anymore. Because, a person can't control their feelings for whoever whoever. In a relationship, there's nothing such like fit, or not fit to be with a certain someone. Its the bonding both parties share, its a special bond between this two. And yes, when you're totally indulge with this someone, he/she is important to you, for sure they are. But, that doesn't mean that you've to be with this someone. Like me, I'm happy just by seeing this someone happy :) If its Love, you'll be happy just by seeing that someone happy. And too, upset when that someone is upset. You don't wonder if you've a chance to be with this someone, you just have to be there for them when they need someone. Hopefully you've got all your answers to your questions, all the best.

Smile please, I want to be happy too.

Well, an entry for today before I go to bed. Just done with my nails. Re-did my nails for a couple of times, first was gold then now its black. Did the gold one in the afternoon, but it turned out totally sucky when it comes to my right thumb idk why. So, decided to change all the gold ones to black. Yup, simple black. Okay whateverz. I don't think I've got the mood/feel to update anything for today. Maybe tmrw or so, friends again :) Lucas BFF in the afternoon, and KeeSiang in the evening. Hopefully I'll be able to see Steph girlf too :) Okay, I'm turning in already. Feeling pretty sleepy right now. Goodnight all, xoxo !

If you're happy, I'm happy :)

A smile cures the wounding of a frown.

Hello all ! It's right now 2.58am, which is about 2 more minutes to 3am -.- I'm feeling pretty sleepy right now, but still, I'm gonna update very much about today before I actually goes to bed later on :) Well, like what I've mentioned in my previous entry, went for a k-session with Fy. And everything just turned out great ! :D Well, it's always fun to have her around. Thanks sweetheart, loveyou much girl !

Okayyyy so everything was really rush this afternoon. Booked a room at 3.30pm, but we were very late ! Okayyyyy actually not that bad, about 15minutes late or so -.- Cabbed over to Ite College East to pick Fy up, then headed to Bedok. Had a great time there, and we did sing our lungs out HAHAHA. Didn't get to sing all the songs we wanted, ran out of time ): But anyways, I'm sure both of us did enjoy very much ! :D Well, we did kind of recorded ourselves when we sang the song, 背叛. And now, my throat's not feeling very well already. A little bit of sore, bah. Damn it.

Here it is, 背叛 :



Fy and myself singing, but I'm the only one who's being shot -.- Okay whateverz -.- Lol, the lightings and everything sucks. So sorry for the bad sound !

Everything ended at about 7pm in the evening, took a bus ride back to Bedok Interchange. Slacked awhile in the Macdonalds, talk cock sing song with the accompany of a packet of Large Fries and a cup of Caramel Frappucino. Hahahahaha yeahhhhh fave drink ok, but still, love Starbuck's more and Coffeebean sucks. Okay whateverz. Ohyah, I want an iTouch too ! Lol, Fy was on her iTouch when we're at the Mac, coolsxz. Hahaha, with the wifi and all. Walaoeh, I want ! ):

Blah. So like, left the Mac at about 8pm. Went to one of the auntyshops to get her socks, then both of us took a bus ride back to my place. She got motive one lor, want to learn the piano ! Hahahaha, so like she came over, used the computer, ate fruits (mommy specially bought them for her -.-), created an account for Pet Society on Facebook, played / learned the piano. Lol, she then leave at about 10.39pm -.- Accompanied her down to the bus stop, talked alot ! Hahahaha, they actually brought back much memories for the both of us. Like, how close we used to be when we're still in the secondary school and all. Hahahahaha, we used to be BFF leh ! Hahaha ^^

To: Daidai

Daidai, I know you're feeling really upset and all after these stuffs happened.
I mean like, I'm really sorry for what I've said but I really want you to know
how i feel towards these everything. Like I've said, time will prove everything.
Am I not right ? I'm sorry but you know I'm not really good at words, but I
totally know that was what I want to let you know. Thanks for being so
understanding and again, I'm really really sorry. Cheer up, see you this
weekends ! :)

Camwhored :

Alright, I need my sleeeeeep now. Hahaha, will yakkkk again tmrw ! Goodnight all, xoxo !

So now, you're actually feeling how I was feeling somedays back.

it still lingers on.

Hi world ! I've just got up not long ago, had 3 pineapple tarts for breakfast. Laughs ! Feeling really fat recently, have been eating and eating and eating non-stop -.- Okay, whateverz.

Alright, like i've said, it was a good day yesterday. Supposed to meet Daidai at 2pm, and i was late as usual. Laughs, i was late about almost an hour, about 45minutes -.- I thought its actually a little better than usual, cos most of the time I'll be late for an hour or so, but i was about 15 minutes earlier yesterday leh ! Okay crapsz. Eh, met Daidai at Plaza Singapura. The weather was...... good -.- Wanted to go over to Cathay to get our movie tix, but the rain's really heavy and all, so we've actually made a wise choice by going back to PS, Daiso to get ourselves an umbrella. Hahahaha only 2dollars okehhhhsxz, whats more its transparent ! Coolsz. Laughs ! So like, we walked over to Cathay, with that little umbrella of ours, under the rain. How romantic right -.- Lol, its not at all okehsxz, its really quite turf to actually share an umbrella with another person who's like 179cm tall ? A centimetre more to 180 -.- Lol ! But he was caring enough, to actually bend and lower down his body a little. Hahaha, tickets for He's Just Not That Into You at 4.30pm. So we've got no choice but to slack at Cathay a little while before the movie starts -.- Was god damn boring, Cathay's totally boring can. Went to 7-11 to get ourselves some sandwiches to heat us up a little, the weather was freaking cold ok -.- Well, then walked around, talk cock sing song and yay, finally its like 4.30pm ^^

He's Just Not That Into You





Are you the Exception.. Or are you the Rule ?

Lol, this film's a totally kickass one. Hahahaha a couple of things ran through my mind after watching it, laughs ! Everything's just so hmmmm.. realistic. As in, what's happening in the movie, is actually what everyone of us is going through or have gone through or will be going through -.- Okay whateverz. I mean like, i totally love this movie okay, amazing :) I'll rate it like, 4 out of 5 stars. Heh, niceeeeee ! :D Go catch it if you've yet to, you won't regret for sure ! ^^

Alright, we actually planned to you know, have a movie marathon or something. Wanted to catch Let The Right One In at 7.10pm, but didn't in the end -.- Daidai suggested Ecp for dinner, so we took a train ride back to Bedok, then bused to Ecp. Its like, wtheck =/ We've walked so much and there, a passerby told us that the Macdonald's is actually at the other end, and we've been walking towards the opposite direction for the past half an hour ? Lol, so gave up the thought of having Mac at Ecp, sat down and rest/talk for awhile before cabbing back to Bedok Inter -.- Had Mac at Bedok Inter instead, before parting :) Lol, Daidai super waste money okehsxz -.- Cab home leh, from Bedok to BoonLay, wtf ? -.- Hahaha, anyways thanks for the day alright, Daidai ! ^^

Okehsxzzzzzz I'm meeting Fy to sing later. Can't wait, like totally ?! Hahahahahaaaaa, it's been so long since I've last sang ! Yayyyyy, I guessed it'll be a good dayyyy today too ! ^^

The song has ended, but the melody still lingers on.

Goodday !

Had a good day with Daidai today, but will only be updating on tmrw morning alright. Please pardon me cos' I'm like, totally worn out already. Goodnight all, I'm turning in already, xoxo !

Ninabey, fuck you ok _l_ Already apologised what, still show me fucked up attitude for fuck ? I mean like, can't you fucking be more understanding ? Pukimak. You think I don't fucking know your intention meh ? I say I meet you for breakfast already very good ok. Since you've already eaten, and I've overslept, then still meet for fuck ? You know it yourself lah hor, I don't want to say so much here. You want angry you go angry ok, I fucking can't be bothered about you. Pussy _l_

Can i ?

Hi world ! I've just got home like about an hour or two ago, feeling rather tired already. Today was a long day, was out since early noon till just now, 9pm ? Okay and btw, my hair colour, sucks big time. Well, its not that bad actually, sort of like copper colour ? Idk, not v obvious -.- Blah.

Alrighttttttt, went to meet Jennifer at around 1.30pm, had our lunch at Kobayashi. As usual, didn't finish my share again. Well, then went back to my place for awhile before going for band practice. So, rotted at my place for about 2 hours, Jennifer learned some piano-playing from me. Hahaha, not too bad ! :D Seriously, I really misssss having piano lessons so much ! Guess I'm so gonna learn this shit back, hahaha ! Soon soon alright, soon ^^ Okayyyyyy then headed to ccss for our band practice then. Sir got the saxophone section two new Alto Saxophones, love them ! Hahaha, the sound and everything, damn it so very kickass one. Laughs ! Ohyahhhh and fuck the black guard again _l_ Seriously idk what's the fucking problem with him, he just has got so many fucking problems with the ex students coming back to help out the band -.- Cbsxz, confirm is jealous that all of us is whiter than him. Nabehhhh, dog _l_ So whatever, brought Feiyan up to the bandroom too, after some arguements with the guard -.- The three of us left earlier than the others cos we've got appointments for hairdo with salon. So yeapppppppp took a bus ride to Tampines then, did my hair ! :) Although the hair colour wasn't that obvious, i still think that its much better than my previous one. Alright no pictures of my new hair colour yet, maybe tmrw when i meet Daidai ok ! :D And thanks Sweethearts, Jennifer and Feiyan, for waiting for me to get my hair done for hours, love you girls many ♥ ! Well, so after everything, we went to have our dinner at some hawker before heading home :) Took the same bus with Feiyan, bus 9. So while waiting for the bus to arrive, we talked about stuffs and I serioiusly can't believe that i actually almost breakdown. Teared a little, luckily my makeup didn't smudge lor ! Hahaha, whateverz -.- Home then.



Alright, to those who've actually talked to me on Msn Messenger and I've actually not been very responsive, please pardon me. I'm sorry, I'm so not into anything right now, and i guess it'll still be the same for the next few days too. So yeap, sorry and please understand me. Thanks!

Will be meeting Daidai tmrw, still don't know want to go where loh ! -.- Daidai, faster decide before i change my mind ok ! Laughs ! Ohhhh and finally someone dated me on Wednesday, gonnnnna sing my lungs out ! Hahaha, Feiyannnnnn ! :D

Okay, i guess thats all for today. Gnight all, xoxo !

All the things I wanted before, can I not want them anymore ?

hairdo

Gmorning lovelies ! Well, iIve just woke up about half an hour ago. Had afew rounds of Sushido on Viwawa just now, totally sick of it ! Alright, will be going for band practice again later on. Meeting Jennifer at 1pm, hopefully I won't be late again ! Laughs, LateQueeeeeeen ! Gon' get my hair dyed after the practice. Heh heh hehhh, can't wait !!

Monday - Jennifer, Feiyan, Band, Hairdo
Tuesday - Daidai, Walk
Wednesday - ???
Thursday - ???
Friday - Lucas BFF, Haji Lane, Shoots
Saturday - Xihong, Town ?
Sunday - ???

Cbsxzxz no plans for the other days yet -.- Okayyyyy whateverz. Will update again when I'm home tonight ! Bye, xoxo !

the reason i smiled.

Its good that things are working out now. No its not good, its great :) Afterall, I'm still doing well here isn't it ? Well don't have to answer me, I know myself best. Goodnight all, I'm turning in already.

:)

Damn it, I'm like totally pissed now ? _l_ Fuck you ok, so what if I didn't text you the whole day, no need to give me fucked up attitude one lor please. Nabehhhhhh, don't want to say much already ! You want angry you go angry lah ok, I can't be bothered with you anymore _l_

stop

I'm sorry, I think we should take a break. I seriously can't force myself to do this anymore, the feelings sucked so hard. Knowing that this won't work, knowing that we'll only be hurting ourselves in the end, I have to. I just want to stop everything, every single thing. I'm sorry, I don't/can't feel a thing, for you, Sweetheart.

Pleasant day out !

Hellooooo world ! Alright, i just dragged myself out of the comfy bed of mine like an hour ago. I've been munching Frosties Cornflakes since then, hahaha in love with it ! Ohhhhhh and not forgetting those pineapple tarts, hehehe ! Alright i was too tired to even update my blog or be active on msn last night, I'm sorrry for not calling you up Kelais ! My head was spinning so badly, eyes were feeling so heavy and all, all i need was just some good long sleeeep. So yeah, can't be bothered with stuffs and go to bed straight at about 2 or 3 in the morning ? Okay whateverz.

Yesterday was a pleasant day, a pleasant Saturday out with Lucas Bff. Met him in the evening at about 6pm, headed to Haji Lane to get his stuffs but didn't get a single thing in the end -.- TonyD rang me up then, he was having some sheesha-ing at arab st. So he came over with some of his typical friends, disappointing ! But nevermind, hahaha ! He's the better one amongst them i guess. Better don't disappoint me again ok boy ?! Hahaha, so went off with Lucas then. Hit town, Fareast. Nothing much, waited for Lucas to get his hair cut, better than before now ! ^^ Alright, then went down to get my Tempura and waited for Lucas to draw some cash, the queue was super duper long ! Sweetheart came to find me for awhile cos he's leaving for Powerhouse after that. Sweetheart, I'm really sorry for not meeting you after that alright ! I know I'm breaking my promises again and again ): Wanted to walk over to Cineleisure for Ljs, but headed to Takashimaya for Pepper Lunch instead. Thanks for the treat uh bff, hehe ! Talked very much, hahaha ! Wanted to chill at Paragon's Starbucks for a little while before heading home, but something unexpected happened ! Don't want to mention what actually happened, thats also the reason why I didn't meet Sweetheart after his club -.- Okay, then we've got no choice but to leave town and head home then. Totally boring night ! I mean like, i've expected it to be at least something more, lol ! Wanted to go chill at Lucas place then meet Sweetheart for supper after that one leh ! Bahhhhhh.. Anyways, thanks for the day still, Bff ! ^^

Picturesxz :

Alrighttttttt i think thats all for now. Not sure if I'm going out later on, or gonna rot at home again -.- Well, will update again tonight i guess. Byebs all, xoxo !

Love or Hate ?

Talked to TonyD on the Msn Messenger just now. Talked about stuffs, yeah. After talking to him, a couple of things actually ran through my mind. A 15 year old told me this :

When A is upset, B is happy. They are Enemies.
When A is happy, B is happy. They are Friends.
When A is upset, B is upset. This is Love.

Idk if this is true, but this is exactly what and how I'm feeling right now. I'm supposed to hate, and be happy. But, no. I'm feeling otherwise. I don't hate, and I'm not happy.

:)

Like finally, i'm done with my nails ! Damn it, idk why the hell did I like, spent so many hours on it when I can just get it done easily within like half an hour in the past -.- My eyes are getting tired and all, super blur ! Well, gonna get to my bed right after this entry. Not, have to wash up and all. Damn, its almost 4am already, about 7 minutes more to 4am. No, 6 minutes more i meant.

Have beeeeen listening to the songs by Jay Chou since hours ago. The just kept repeating and repeating, and I'm like so tempted to get my song in this space changed to a song of his. Lol, but nahhhhh I don't think I want that. Okay whateverz.

And yay, tmrw's another day at town. Gonna meet Lucas up to Haji Lane first, then to Town. Might be meeting Victor and all. Then I guess i'll be slacking till 3 or 4am before i meet my that sweeet thing of mine ♥ ! ^^

Goodnights, xoxo !

With love and patience, nothing is impossible. Remember, perseverance. Don't give up ! :)

MY CUTEST BABY GROWN FAT !! ♥

Laughs, my cutest baby grown fat already ! Damn fat and chubby now, hahaha ! Gonna get it new toy soon, hehe !

Heh heh heh. Cute okehsxzxz, xoxo ♥ !